She came home expecting warmth, maybe applause or even just a hug. What she got was silence. The living room lights were dimmed, the TV flickered in the background and her teenage kids were lost in their screens. Her husband didn’t even turn around to see her walk in the door.

That night, the woman, an accomplished lawyer and mother of three, had just won a prestigious top student award after months of late-night university classes. It was the kind of achievement that demanded a toast or, at the very least, a “Well done.” But standing in the doorway of her own home, holding her pride and pain in equal measure, she felt like a stranger.

“She was devastated,” says Dee Tozer, the relationship expert the woman turned to months later. “She was emotionally starving, and no one noticed. Not even the man she’d built a life with.”

What followed was heartbreak, then betrayal. A brief affair with a fellow student who’d experienced similar rejection at home. The damage was done. But what seemed like the end of a marriage became something else: a beginning.

Through Tozer’s intensive relationship program, this woman and her husband discovered more than how to survive an affair. They learned how to become emotionally present again, how to nurture each other, how to connect and how to matter. That emotional reconnection lies at the core of Tozer’s work.

The master coach for broken marriages

Dee Tozer is not a traditional therapist. She is an expert, founder and CEO of Dee Tozer International Pty Ltd. Based in Australia and operating globally, she has been guiding couples through emotional recovery since 1993. Her specialty is extreme distress: affairs, rejection and near-divorces, the kind of relationship breakdowns that usually end in silence or separation.

Through her 12-week signature program, Secret Couples Business, Tozer takes couples from icy distance to meaningful reconnection. The results, she says, are remarkable. Over 90% of her clients stay together long after the program ends.

But she is clear about something upfront. “I don’t fix people. I teach them how to emotionally feed each other again.”

Tozer calls it emotional nurturing, the daily, subtle, essential practice of showing your partner they matter.

“Most couples don’t fall apart from arguments,” she says. “They fall apart from neglect.”

The quiet erosion of intimacy

The concept of emotional nurturing isn’t flashy, and it doesn’t trend on social media. But its absence is often the reason couples drift apart.

“We live in a world that’s distracted,” Tozer explains. “We’re moving fast. We’re overloaded. And we’ve forgotten how to be warm to the people we love.”

In Tozer’s view, emotional nurturing is the foundation of lasting connection. It’s in the eye contact, the unprompted compliments and the follow-up questions after a tough day. It’s not about being romantic. It’s about being attuned.

“You know what’s at the core of most betrayal?” she asks. “It’s not a desire for someone else. It’s the absence of desire from your partner.”

In the case of the lawyer and her husband, what triggered the unraveling wasn’t her ambition or even the affair. It was the complete emotional disengagement she experienced while trying to grow.

“He didn’t say he didn’t support her,” Tozer recalls. “But he withheld praise. He withheld presence. That’s emotional starvation.”

Emotional starvation: A silent saboteur

Tozer uses the term “emotional starvation” with intent. It’s not dramatic. It’s accurate.

“When your partner stops noticing you, stops asking how you’re feeling, stops responding to your highs and lows, you’re not just lonely. You’re hungry,” she says. “And like any form of starvation, it leads to desperation.”

What’s worse, she says, is how many people don’t realize they’re doing it.

The husband in this story, a high-ranking judge, was stunned when Tozer first pointed out how his behavior contributed to the emotional breakdown in the marriage.

“He said, ‘But I never told her not to study,’” she remembers. “That’s the problem. He didn’t say anything at all.”

Through daily coaching, Tozer helped him understand how emotional withdrawal had pushed his wife away and how his lack of validation made her feel like a stranger in her own home.

Over time, he learned to offer encouragement, to listen and to be present. Gradually, the nurturing returned.

The secret in Secret Couples Business

Tozer’s 12-week program is not just therapy. It is transformation. Each week includes three sessions: one with each partner individually, and one together. Between sessions, couples have access to Tozer through what she calls safety net calls, short, intentional check-ins that keep emotional progress from backsliding.

“We stabilize them first,” she explains. “Then we teach new emotional behaviors. How to speak differently. How to respond instead of react. How to show up again.”

One of her core principles is to praise early and praise often.

“It doesn’t have to be a grand speech,” she says. “It’s: ‘Thanks for cooking.’ ‘I liked what you said to the kids.’ These little validations feed love.”

Tozer also coaches couples on how to replace hurtful habits like sarcasm, dismissiveness or withdrawal with warmth and attunement. She trains them to recognize early warning signs of disconnect: less eye contact, fewer shared jokes, silence around small decisions.

And yes, it starts with small things. “I tell couples just to start smiling at each other again,” she says. “That’s not therapy. That’s human connection.”

A different kind of happy ending

For the lawyer and the judge, the road back wasn’t easy. But it was navigable. And that is what Tozer offers: a map out of emotional quicksand.

“They weren’t bad people,” she says. “They were two good people who had stopped emotionally feeding each other. Once they learned how again, things shifted.”

The children noticed first. The tone in the house changed. Warmth replaced tension. Gratitude replaced sarcasm.

“They re-learned how to be a team,” Tozer says. “And when that happens, it doesn’t just save a marriage. It saves a family.”

Beyond the crisis: Building the muscle of love

If emotional nurturing sounds like a soft concept, Tozer insists it’s anything but.

“It’s not optional,” she says. “It’s the muscle that keeps intimacy alive.” And like any muscle, it weakens without use.

Her advice for couples, whether in crisis or just drifting apart, is simple: Make your partner feel like they matter. Daily. Without waiting for special occasions.

“Emotional nurturing isn’t about fixing a problem after it happens,” she says. “It’s about keeping the foundation strong so it doesn’t crack.”

For the couples who’ve worked with her, that shift often begins with a single moment, like one woman standing in her living room, holding an award and waiting to be seen.

“She needed someone to say, ‘You matter,’” Tozer says. “Eventually, she got it.” And for many couples, that’s all it takes.